Don't Get Angry, Get EVEN?

We all know that anger is a natural emotion that occurs, well, way too often for our liking. Ng Yan Hong finds out what ways there are to control it. And no, getting even is NOT on the list.

Anger. We’re all familiar with it, whether it’s just annoying little blips of resentment or a full-fledged volcano eruption. Some of us can dismiss our annoyances with a lazy flick of our hair, while the not so fortunate few of us sometimes find outselves like rubber bands on the brink of snapping every time we get annoyed. But rather than saying ‘gous-fraba’, concentrate on the causes of it. What made you get angry, and what happens when you flip?

Turning into the Hulk

“Explode”, “get mad”, “going nu-cu-lar” - these are the words that graphically describe the deep, intense feelings that can send a seething person over the edge.

Just like any other emotion, anger comes with physical, biological and physiological effects. When you get angry, your energy hormones increase, and your heart rate and blood pressure shoot up. There’s also the adrenaline surge that prepares you for drastic physical action, and your pain threshold levels also go up, ready to draw blood at the slightest provocation.

That’s not a healthy situation to be in, and especially for people with heart disease or hypertension, an angry outburst can be the proverbial straw on the camel’s back.

The Perfect Storm

To make things worse, being angry doesn’t just affect one person. On many occasions, a furious person might use their anger in negative or controlling ways on others.

Anything can spark anger. And when it happens, it attacks. You could be angry at a traffic jam, a person, your significant other, a paper cut, or a failed plan. Too much brooding, or memories of traumatic events can also set your pulse ticking, and cause us to lash out at innocent bystanders.

In fact, over 90% of people believe that in the past 10 years, the world has become an angrier society, with juvenile violence increasing dramatically. We seem to get angry at anything these days.

While external events are almost always out of our control, there are also internal causes, like over-worrying about personal problems. Research has shown that the most negative forms of internal causes are:

• Grudges
• Old hurts
• Resentments

Such deep-set anger won’t just evaporate overtime, even though it is possible for certain lighter cases to just go away. There are ways to express your pent up anger in a positive and healthy way.

Positive anger

Yes, you read that right; anger doesn’t always have to be bad. Shift your perspective and you can turn your anger into a good thing if you try. This is the most often seen example of positive anger:

Angry for a righteous cause

When a close friend, a family member, or your child is in danger, you automatically switch into your protective mode. Actually, one of anger’s function is that it short cuts our thinking brain to allow us to act quickly in times of crisis – which may turn out to be for the best.

Anger, like any emotion, can be managed. Once you learn how to control it, hey, your life becomes easier. Practice the following anger management techniques on yourself before anyone gets hurt:

Tame the fire

     1.   Identify and acknowledge 

Recognize your grievances, and admit to yourself that you need to simmer down. Accepting that you’re having “issues” can help to hugely decrease chances of violence and conflict.

     2.   Face your monsters 

Take a deep breath and dive into your darkest fears. Reach into the root, feel every jitter, touch every surface, and make yourself understand. Find out what triggers your anger and fully focus on the issues behind it. Remember, no problem will ever be truly solved until you best it in your head first.

      3.      Open your mind 

Use your ears. Don’t let the anger control you. Before you act, make yourself listen to others and, most importantly, your heart. Ask yourself, will you want to act like this too an hour later? To make sure you won’t have regrets, take a step back before making judgments. Learn how to trust your inner sense.

      4.      Relax! 

As mentioned previously, letting yourself cool down before taking any action can change the outcome drastically. In fact most of the time, people lash out in the spur of a moment and regret their actions later. Maybe in a day or two, the problem at hand wouldn’t even bother you anymore.

Managing someone else’s anger

Never wake a sleeping lion – that’s because we know that lions have an angry (and deadly) streak. The best way to deal with someone’s anger is to avoid it in the first place by learning the signs of anger.

When people get angry, their body language makes it obvious. Glaring, frowning, folded arms and crossed legs are all saying something to you. The message is clear: stay away.

So next time, smartly avoiding your bosses when they’re in a bad mood, or laying off a friend for a day when they’re distressed is the best thing you can do for them – and for yourself.

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